Thursday, August 27, 2009

The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of United Federation of Planets Speaks

Good Evening Friends,

I know it's been some time since our last sermon. Certain events have kept us away such as the varying interpretations of the latest book of Star Trek.

Millions people have flocked to our church halls and asked me and the Intergalactic Board of Elders the same question, "Reverend of Highest Truthes and Elders of All Eternal Knowledges, what does the complete destruction of Vulcan mean to our faith? Does this mean that the Vulcans aren't going to rescue us after we launch a great nuclear holocaust to wipe out all the infidels and Stargate Atlantis fans?"

Our answer remains the same and we speak with one voice channeled through Lieutenant Uhura in the Almighty Name of Starfleet. The Prophet JJ Abrams isn't teaching about the annihilation of Vulcan, he's teaching us about the annihilation of common decency here in the United States. Take the healthcare debate for example. Instead of being quiet about being sick and just
curling up in the corner to die, people want the Borg Collective to get a solid foothold in the Alpha Quadrant by passing some sort of universal healthcare bill. Few people are aware that the President and his Borg sympathizing allies in congress want to set up what we call "assimilation panels" to decide whether people are too sick to heal and those people deemed unhealthy will be traded off to the Borg in exchange for technology. People who think we're being paranoid about this devastating new threat will think twice when their wheelchairs are traded in for an alcove and a robotic eyepiece.

So friends, the time for vigilance is now. If the Borg is allowed to rule this country through the White House, there won't be any Captain Kirk at all. Just a planet full of automatons, who put un-American ideals like equality and civil liberties above safety, morals, and the right to hoard more money than you'll ever need in five lifetimes.

So saith Our Holy Starfleet Captains.


Malach the Merciless said...

Look at the erection on that space gorilla! For shame!

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