Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A Run for the Presidency?

It's been a busy time for the First Church of DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation Planets.

First, we organized a worldwide effort encouraging everyone to pray to the Flash so that He might stop the Weather Wizard from dropping anymore rain on West Virginia. As you know, flooding isn't caused by runoff from strip mining, tearing down trees, or placing Walmarts and shopping malls and huge parking lots within ten to fifteen miles of each other. No. Heavy rain and flooding is caused by the either the Legion of Doom or the Rouge's Gallery and it is allowed to happen when a nation fails to follow the Justice League's plan laid out for us in DC Comics. Well, our prayers were answered and the Flash did stop the Weather Wizard. So thanks to the First Church, we can now enjoy sunny days until our next crisis of faith.

Second, we're preparing once again for an attempt at launching a youth Batman Camp. This would be a wonderful place to brainwash the children and get them to understand that there are two horrible things in this world: abortion and Marvel Comics. Unfortunately, we're running into some legal problems once again because our lawyers tell that our insurance policy won't cover accidents that involve climbing twelve story buildings with the use of a batgrapple and rope. But we're still working on it.

Third, we have launched an exploratory committee into a possible run for the presidency in 2012. My platform would be very simple: eliminate taxes on everyone who makes more than $100,000 a year, drug test and blood screen everyone who relies on a public service (like roads, bridges, police protection, and other handouts), cap credit card interest at a reasonable 45%, make prayer in school not just legal- but mandatory, and launch nuclear weapons in any given direction so that we can show the world who's boss and bring the Vulcans to earth a little sooner at the same time.

So we have a few ideas for a running mate: Newt Gingrich, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, or possibly Sean Hannity.

We will be praying to the Martian Manhunter for guidance in these upcoming months.


Malach the Merciless said...

Wow, it would be like 1842 all over again

Elvis Drinkmo said...

There's a running mate I hadn't considered: Malach the Merciless.

Drinkmo/Merciless '12

Nice ring.

venus said...

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