Monday, December 1, 2008

The Gorn: The Most Misunderstood Race in the Alpha Quadrant

Many people who study the Word of Starfleet through the first of the Five Pillars watched with tears as our beloved Captain James T. Kirk struggled for survival against what some believe was a hostile race of lizard people known as the Gorn.

What people outside the inner chambers of this great church fail to realize is that the scriptures teach us the Gorn were not a hostile race at all. And few know the story of how Captain Kirk and his new lizard friend split a case of malt liquer and sang songs of grace after a treaty was signed.

If your read the instructions inside the game called Starfleet Command "Empires At War", you'll see that the Gorn had been fighting against a treacherous race known to most Terans as Romulans. The Romulans had been up to their same dirty tricks and pulled some backstabbing maneuver on this friendly green species from the other side of the quadrant. When they saw humans accidentally settling in on one of their planets, they thought the humans were Romulans. Afterall, mammalian humanoids look the same when you've got a hundred and two little silver eyes in your sockets.

Now we know what you're thinking, "Reverend, Star Trek books and games aren't cannon; therefore they can't be the literal truth as presented in each sacred episode." Well, we'll make this simple for you. Anything that we say is cannon is cannon; if you believe otherwise, there's a Borg cube out there with your name on its guest list.

So the next time you see a Gorn when you're out at the bars, pat him or her on the back and call them friend.

10 comments:

goooooood girl said...

i like your blog......

Malach the Merciless said...

Watch out, them Gorn's are rock tossers . .

Aphra said...

That's very touching. I shall keep my eyes peeled.

Flying Junior said...

I recall that the Gorn was capable of showing mercy. Unfortunately in Captain Kirk's instance, it was to be a merciful death.

primalscreamx said...

Proof of this might be found in season four of Enterprise and their mirror universe episodes. The Gorn was a cruel taskmaster who ruled a bunch of captured slaves through threats and violence. Obviously, if the Gorn was evil in the mirror universe, he would be good here and probably hand out lollipops to the good Starfleet children.

Dr. Zombie said...

Ahhh... the Gorn.

The Gorn is responsible for the looks of horror I get from people who finally understand that I am a geek of epic proportions.

Why?

Because I have been known to wax poetic about the fact that my favorite Star Trek episode is the one where Kirk defeats the Gorn on Cestus III.

Thank you, Rev'rend. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone in the world! : )

Anonymous said...

The word is "canon" not "cannon". Just call me Ms. Grundy.

Star Trek forever.

Elvis Drinkmo said...

You're welcome Dr. Zombie and keep up the great work on your blog. For it is written: "Blessed is he who walks with the knowledge that zombies just plain kick ass."

Ms. Grundy, point noted. May Starfleet Command be with you always.

Betty said...

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Betty


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Anonymous said...

I always thought the big green muscled lizardy Gorn were hot. Big, beefy, and scaly, whats not to like. Do you have any views on the Sleestak from Land of the Lost?