Marvel Comics- The Fastest Growing Blasphemy, I Mean Comic Books, in the World

Once again, just look at that tee-shirt my very own grandson is wearing. At the age of 2, he is already beginning to fall prey to the worship of false heroes and heretic stories of exploding green hulks and four people who aren't even fantastic enough to steer a spaceship away from a storm- leaving some poor guy named Ben all transformed into some kind of rock-like being.

But there is hope:



Here is my granddaughter is showing believers her favorite game that's she likes playing her Papaw.

We can only hope that the glorious divinity of the Batman and His teachings will someday wear off on her brother, so that he may give up his devotion to Spiderman and realize that the only true Heroes of this dimension and others can be found within the scriptures of DC Comics.

I ask that everyone light a candle and pray to Zatanna that the wicked influences of Marvel Comics will cease to plague this family which is firmly devoted to the word of the Justice League.

From the Desk of Reverend Elvis D.

Friends,

Just recently, I had to get a pair of glasses and they're causing me some serious headaches, so blogging may a little light here at the First Church of DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the Planets in the next few days. As you can see in this recent photo, I finally got my teeth fixed. The Indians hat covers up the couple spots on my head that have grown back a few clumps of hair. I've been generally feeling a little better about myself lately- now this.

My friend, Jenny- from Jennyville (currently under construction), suggested that I need to see a new optometrist.

But I think something else is going on here that Jenny and other folks who believe that Wonder Woman was sent here from the Island of Themyscira to save us from our sinisters hasn't considered. The Legion of Doom may be targeting my eyesight with some sort of mega-ray gun, undoubtedly invented by Gorilla Grodd, in an attempt to stop me from spreading the good word of Batgirl and prevent me from my daily work in spreading the Justice League's love to every home in the Alpha Quadrant.

In the meantime, I will be studying the Batman Chronicles and The Green Lantern: Greatest Stories Ever Told for truth and wisdom as well as pondering upon the Star Trek scriptures in search of new ways to apply Captain Jean Luc Picard's teachings to a world filled with infidels, supervillians, and Marvel comic book readers. Arkham Asylum is a terrible place to spend eternity so our mission to sway you from that path of unrighteousness will never end.

In the meantime, may Captain James T. Kirk continue to bestow blessings upon you all.

The Cold Plunge

The First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets salutes Bill Lynch who writes a column called Strange Places for the Gazz. Bill has dared to defy both Captain Cold and Mr. Freeze by plunging into some ice cold water this winter for a very good cause.

Check him out here

Comic Books and Golden Rules

Golden Rules From Other Comic Books:

Do unto others whatever you would have them do unto you. -The New Testament of the Bible

Tzu Kung asked saying, is there any single saying that one can act upon all day and everyday? The Master replied, perhaps the saying about consideration: Never do to others what you would not like them to do to you. -The Analects of Confucius

No one is a true believer unless he desireth for his brother that which he desireth for himself. -The Hadith (traditional sayings of the prophet Mohammed)

Do not hurt others with that which hurts yourself. -The Dhammapada (teachings of the Buddha)

This is the sum of all duty: Do nothing to others which if done to you, would cause you pain. -The Mahabharata (Hindu text)

You shall not take vengence or bear a grudge against your countrymen. Love your fellow as yourself: I am the Lord. -The Torah

All beings are fond of life, they like pleasure, hate pain, avoid decay, wish to live long. To all, life is dear...... All breathing, existing, living sentient creatures should not be slain, nor treated with violence, nor abused, nor tormented, nor driven away. This is the pure, unchangeable, external law, which the clever ones, who understand the world have declared. -Acaranga-sutra (Sacred Book of the East- Jainism)

Surrender yourself humbly; then you can be trusted to care for all things. Love the world as your own self; then you can truly care for all things. -Tao Te Ching (Lao Tzu)


Of course, we all know how seriously people have taken these rules over the years. Having a plane loaded full of passengers fly straight into a building where I work isn't exactly what I would desireth for myself, personally. Nor would I fathom having someone tie me to a stake and burn me alive. The Israeli government seems to know more about vengeance and bearing a grudge than they do loving their fellows.

But hey, what can we expect from scriptures that don't offer us any full color pictures and promote gods, prophets, and supernatural forces who can't even pilot a Galaxy-class starship or wield the Green Lantern's power ring.

That's why these are the only golden rules, you ever need concern yourself with:

1) Do unto your enemies as the Batman would do unto the Joker and always carry kryptonite in your utility belt in case your best friend from Krypton goes rouge.

- DC Comictology

2) Do not destroy an enemy vessel with photon torpedoes until you've disabled it's engines and weapons systems first.

- Star Trekiology

There, now doesn't that feel better. Two simple commandments that everyone can live with.

Tags:
Golden Rules, World Religions, Do Unto Others, Mohammad, Jesus

Election 2008

Here's a website that I stumbled across which is certainly worth the attention of the First Church of DC Comictician and Latter day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets.

Here a blogger named Money Tastes Bad (a name very holy to the principles of the Federation charter) writes about the candidates and gives each one a very in depth critique. In fact, this is the best coverage this church has seen so far of the potential prospects biding for the White House.

We ain't too sure what this "Star Wars" is. We can only assume that it's something from one of the other dimensions in the multiverse that we have yet to cover. It kind of looks like maybe high ranking military officials of the Breen may be in charge over there.

Nevertheless, please welcome Tinfoil Hats and Rock n' Roll to the West Virginian blogroll.

Tags:
Election 2008, Darth Vader, Clinton, Edwards, McCain, Tin Foil Hats and Rock n Roll

Third Party Comics

The other day I was out on the street trying to convince people to give up their sinister ways and live a life worthy of the Batman. I was waving the Batman Chronicles around in their faces and telling them about how they can enter the Hall of Justice as well as about the horrors they may have to face inside Arkham Asylum if they do not give themselves to the JLA. That was when a guy walked by and in his hand was none other than a Spawn comic book.

Now, let's discuss this for a minute.

There are two major comic book publishers in this country: DC and Marvel. Of course, DC is filled with lessons of morality and righteousness while Marvel fills people's minds with unclean thoughts and words of blasphemy.

But what is this Image Comics? I'll tell you. Image Comics does nothing but spoil things for DC Comics. Every time a kid picks up a copy of Spawn, that's money and support that could have been used on one of only two viable comic book publishers. Every time a person wastes a dollar on an independent or third party comic book, they're throwing it away and offering backhanded support to the wrong publisher, Marvel.

One thing I don't want to hear from these loony independent comic book readers is that there is no difference these days between DC and Marvel. That is completely untrue. DC shows Heroes like Batman kicking the shit out of His enemies and Marvel shows heroes like Daredevil kicking the shit out of his enemies.

I mean, come on, people. There is no such thing as the perfect comic book. If you don't like the Green Lantern then get out there and show your support for the Flash. If the Green Lantern is all that's left then just suck it up, get with the program, and buy it. Don't go digging through the racks looking for a hero like Spawn. There is no way that a single knight is going to ride into town and save us all from our sinisters. Every time you purchase a a comic book published by Image, you're helping Marvel win the culture war. When you're reading Spawn instead of Batman, you're really just showing your support for the X-Men whether you admit it or not.

Grow up. This is America, land of the free, where we have choices. And those choices have been all but narrowed down by law to two: DC or Marvel. There's your options, anything else is just a waste of everybody's time. Your ego is not as important as this wonderful system we have going; where only one of two comic book publishers will prevail. What you believe in, who you think is honest and who isn't and the things you stand for are not as important as making sure this remains a two comic book publisher nation. If you don't believe me, just ask the people over here.


Tags:
Third Parties, Elections, Independents, Americas