Comic Book Figure Fails to Help Colorado Rockies Win the World Series

The Colorado Rockies attribute their success to winning the National League championship to the comic book figure called God- the same "superhero" who stood by and did nothing while the Borg assimilated Captain Picard and turned him into Locutus. The Rockies should have been praying to Commander Riker.

According to the British Independent Online:

As it turns out, that's exactly how the Colorado Rockies – a team who previously seemed to be little more than a punching bag for the bigger, better, more lavishly funded organisations who play America's favourite sport – view their nail-biting, against-the-odds, come-back-from-way-behind progress into this autumn's post-season.

The team's chief executive is a born-again Christian. So is the general manager and the team coach. Their two star players, along with many other members of their regular line-up, are not only believers but attend team-organised Bible studies.

The team doesn't like to talk about it much – mainly because the overlords of Major League Baseball don't think it's good for business – but they have an explicit policy to recruit as many Christian ball players as they can.

In other words, the Rockies – uniquely, even in a country as religion-obsessed as America – play faith-based baseball. And, in their view, God just rewarded them – big time.

Sure, that guy who turns water into wine may have helped them make it the World Series, but four games later, God must have taken an extended Sabbath because the Boston Red Sox creamed their asses. Next time maybe they should ask this Lord Almighty to persuade the NL to change the policy on making their pitchers bat.

Now, imagine this. Wonder Woman on 2nd base, Hawkgirl in right field, Supergirl in left, and Green Lantern in center. Pitching- Superman with Power Girl as relief. Flash at shortstop, Black Canary on 3rd and Batman behind the plate. This what coaches and owners ought to praying for. At least it would make about as much sense as praying to some invisible God figure for a post season victory.

(And doesn't this "almighty" being who is supposed to be in control the universe have better things to concern himself with than baseball? I mean baseball is what sixteen year old boys are told to think about when they're having sex- in order to prolong the event. Somehow, I think this God figure has bigger things to worry about than premature ejaculation- then again, maybe that's the problem. "There's a war on God. Just think about baseball, just think about baseball.")

Nevertheless.

Hat Tip to Infinity Ranch for the article on pious athletics.


Tags:
Colorado Rockies, Boston Red Sox, World Series, Religion, Baseball

Sabotage?

It has brought to the attention of the Elders, that some folks have been trying to leave comments- only to have some bogus entity tell them that they have been blocked.

For the record, I, Elvis Drinkmo, the High Priest of the DC Comictician, hereby declare that I have never banned anyone form this site. The First Church welcomes people from all comic book mythologies. It is our task to convince that Bruce Wayne is the true Batman and that Iron Man is a drunk and a fraud. We like Jesus, but we feel it will take more than walking on water to defeat the Black Manta. It is our mission to bring Captain Jean Luc Picard into every home so that each and every mortal will get the chance to join Starfleet and be beamed aboard the Enterprise when they die.

One of two things could explain what has happened.

1) Lex Luthor has devised a way to sabotage this site from the Legion of Doom's headquarters to prevent people from hearing the Word of Superman.

2) The entire staff of Google and Blogger has been bought off by the Joker or perhaps been assimilated by the Borg- where the Borg high mind is working to prevent people from becoming one with Starfleet from joining this church in order to steal more souls for their collective.

Either way, the Elders and I apologize to anyone who thinks they have been banned or cast out from the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets. That is not what we do here. Everyone has the potential to live up to Justice League standards and it is our mission to tap into that potential.

We will chant and pray to Batgirl for the remainder of this day and hope that she will foil their plot by tomorrow.

All Glory Shall be in Her name.

Happy Halloween

We here at the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of the United Federation of Planets would like to wish everyone an exciting and joyous Halloween.

Enjoy your holiday while you're out there in search of candy (children) and perhaps a couple rounds of free flowing beer (big children).

Let us remember to keep the Justice League in our hearts as we celebrate. Here are few words from the Batman:

He has played so many horror roles in pictures that they had taken possession of his mind and soul! He made up as Clayface, one of his old roles, and then followed the plot of "Dread Castle" and killed off each one as they died in the picture.

Batman Chronicles II- 40: Frame 78

So watch out for Clayface tonight and have a good time! (Now if I can just find a costume to wear to the party tonight...........)

Hymn 3- Let Us All Give Praise!

Let us Rejoice and Sing our praises to the real Heroes of this quadrant!

I'm wondering if JDB from Infinity Ranch would still like to be our church's organ player for these hymns of praise and celebration.

Tags:
Church Hymns, Praise, Revival, Celebration, Religion, Joy

The One True Faith

The Elders were surfing the web in search of more Legion of Doom sympathizers, when they stumbled across a piece written by Pat Robertson's TV channel called the Christian Broadcasting Network.

It's nothing but more fighting between two sets of comic book fans. One reads about a guy who drank lots of wine and walked on water; another listens to stories about a man who had seven wives and liberated Saudi Arabia. Neither comic book has a single hero whom could battle Wonder Woman or the Green Lantern for more than three minutes (Spiderman has a better chance and that ain't sayin' much).

From the article:

"Saieg agrees with Saleem, that Islam preaches violence.

"When I see Sura 9:5, it talks about ''kill the Christians and Jews -- the People of the Book -- wherever you find them." There are over 140 verses in the Koran that talk about killing,' Saieg says.

Saleem says don't buy everything you hear about Islam these days.

"Muslims will say 'We're a people of peace -- we worship the same God,'" He said.

And:

"There's a lot of anti-Islamic propaganda, especially by Pat Robertson and CBN and places like that," Ahmed said. "And I'm really shocked to see how evangelicals love to promote this idea -- that it's not a religion of peace."

Ahmed seems a natural for this debate. He runs his own Web site defending Islam, Examine the Truth.com

"There's clear teaching to promote peace with non-Muslims. And those verses are not mentioned by these propagandists. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to mention those verses," he said.

But it didn't seem very peaceful when Muslims eavesdropped on CBN News' interview with Saieg then ripped into him for saying Islam was not a religion of peace.

There's an easy solution to all of this, put down those comic books and open your eyes to the real Truth handed down to us by Starfleet and the Justice League of America. Seriously, how can two groups of people fight over these so-called superheroes; superheroes without the slightest clue on how to command a galaxy-class starship or fire phasers or even launch photon torpedoes?!

Is Jesus Christ going to take down the Joker or the Borg by offering them forgiveness? Is Mohammad going to lead an assault on the Dominion with swords and some book he found in a cave? The answers here are simple. The sad thing is- when all of these folks end up having to spend eternity in Arkham Asylum, they're going to have to find a way to get along. (Or they may end up on a Borg Cube attached to one high mind- which would eliminate this seemingly inherent competition. It's not up to us to decide.)

So please, people, come on over to the First Church of the DC Comictician and Latter Day Citizens of United Federation. When we're not out beating down our foes and dragging them by their hair to the Hall of Justice, we're truly a religion committed to peace and non-violence. One thing is for certain, all this bickering over whose comic books are coolest is going to serve no one except hostile aliens and those supervillains who have made their homes inside the Legion of Doom's headquarters.


Tags:
Christianity, Islam, Intolerance, Pat Robertson, Osama Bin Laden

The 2nd Hymn

Here's the next song for our hymn book. The words are a little more complicated than the first one.




Tags:
Hymns, Praise, Religion, Joy